it's a shame that i love this site so much, but it allows me to forget about my troubles. if only for ten minutes.
Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML
Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML
Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML
Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
my 25
this was a facebook project i took part in. 25 random things about myself. i swear i have a job. i have many.
1. I hate sweet meat i.e. Honey Baked Ham, pineapple pizza, apricot chicken…
2. I have a habit of pulling people’s wenis’s when I’m standing close to them. (This is the skin you can pull from the elbow.)
3. I want so badly to sing, but I’ve developed a horrible fear. So I’ll probably make one of my kids do it.
4. CPK, Taco Bell and Krispy Kreme. When and if I move, I must live in close proximity to all of these. My love for IHOP has subsided.
5. It doesn’t take much to piss me off, but I don’t hold grudges.
6. I prefer texts to calls. Yep, I’m one of those.
7. I love dresses just as much as I love hoodies.
8. I thought the love I had for my mom could never be matched, until I met my niece. She’s the most awesome kid ever. Ahh, she keeps me young.
9. I only watch reality TV. This includes the news and documentaries.
10. My mom set me up on my first and last blind date. I’ve gone back to being shallow, thanks.
11. I’m all about neck tattoos. It ups a man’s irresistibility factor by 48%.
12. I’m not into holidays.
13. Hygiene is the most important quality I look for in a man. What good is a sexy body with a stankin’ ass?
14. I can’t swim.
15. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I’m confident I have more common sense than most.
16. The people I love the most have distinct traces of crazy in them.
17. I can predict the sex of your child before it’s born. Try me.
18. I like to look in people’s refrigerators. You can tell a lot about a person in there.
19. I’m one of those nerds who likes word games. I am the Taboo master. I’ve only lost once and it’s a painful memory I don’t like to discuss.
20. I’m into specifics. If you ask me how long it will take me to get somewhere, I’ll tell you 22 minutes, not 25. I never round up or down. The time is 2:13, not “a quarter after”. Every minute counts in my world. So if you’re ever asking me questions and I’m giving you roundabout, general answers you might wanna back up off me.
21. I don’t understand most girls.
22. I am the best speller I know.
23. I secretly think people that can’t whistle or snap their fingers are retarded. Secret’s out!
24. My watching-a-movie snack of choice is ice cream. I don’t eat popcorn because of the hassle removing it from my teeth. Potato chips are highly overrated. I get bored with candy after like 6 bites. And peanuts are the devil’s food.
25. I don’t have any scars. How weak is that?!
1. I hate sweet meat i.e. Honey Baked Ham, pineapple pizza, apricot chicken…
2. I have a habit of pulling people’s wenis’s when I’m standing close to them. (This is the skin you can pull from the elbow.)
3. I want so badly to sing, but I’ve developed a horrible fear. So I’ll probably make one of my kids do it.
4. CPK, Taco Bell and Krispy Kreme. When and if I move, I must live in close proximity to all of these. My love for IHOP has subsided.
5. It doesn’t take much to piss me off, but I don’t hold grudges.
6. I prefer texts to calls. Yep, I’m one of those.
7. I love dresses just as much as I love hoodies.
8. I thought the love I had for my mom could never be matched, until I met my niece. She’s the most awesome kid ever. Ahh, she keeps me young.
9. I only watch reality TV. This includes the news and documentaries.
10. My mom set me up on my first and last blind date. I’ve gone back to being shallow, thanks.
11. I’m all about neck tattoos. It ups a man’s irresistibility factor by 48%.
12. I’m not into holidays.
13. Hygiene is the most important quality I look for in a man. What good is a sexy body with a stankin’ ass?
14. I can’t swim.
15. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I’m confident I have more common sense than most.
16. The people I love the most have distinct traces of crazy in them.
17. I can predict the sex of your child before it’s born. Try me.
18. I like to look in people’s refrigerators. You can tell a lot about a person in there.
19. I’m one of those nerds who likes word games. I am the Taboo master. I’ve only lost once and it’s a painful memory I don’t like to discuss.
20. I’m into specifics. If you ask me how long it will take me to get somewhere, I’ll tell you 22 minutes, not 25. I never round up or down. The time is 2:13, not “a quarter after”. Every minute counts in my world. So if you’re ever asking me questions and I’m giving you roundabout, general answers you might wanna back up off me.
21. I don’t understand most girls.
22. I am the best speller I know.
23. I secretly think people that can’t whistle or snap their fingers are retarded. Secret’s out!
24. My watching-a-movie snack of choice is ice cream. I don’t eat popcorn because of the hassle removing it from my teeth. Potato chips are highly overrated. I get bored with candy after like 6 bites. And peanuts are the devil’s food.
25. I don’t have any scars. How weak is that?!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
randominities
i love cereal.
what's up with people describing other people by the car they drive? "you know, kristen with the blue jetta..."no i don't. so...you don't wanna tell me what she looks like?
there is nothing quite like the clean man smell - after the soap and before the cologne.
sunglasses and BlueTooth's in the club. stop it. both of these things have specific purposes and you're abusing your privilege, Robocop.
i question EVERYTHING. it's the only way to survive.
it is very rare that i share where i bought what i'm wearing or what fragrance i have on. i've never looked at imitation as flattery. you more so look like a stalker with low self-esteem. no thanks.
what is it about yawn's that's contagious?
i would be very interested in a series composed kinda like MTV's 'Diary' or VH1's 'Behind the Music' about homeless adults. particularly those that had a nice, standard upbringing. i often find myself wondering "how'd they become homeless?" and "how are they surviving?" it could be called Riches to Rags.
i'm real irritated when i go to people's houses and they don't have paper towels or napkins. especially if you invited me to eat. your life is stupid. and probably dirty.
infomercials make the most basic things seem so extraordinary. why i gotta buy my kitchen knives from tv when i can go to Linens 'n' Things? they offer so many outlandish, unnecessary things. never before have i wanted a light-up spoon that flies/a sandwich maker radio/Tater Mitts so badly.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
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